Side Effects

Most of you who actually read this blog know me. I am a positive person most of the time. I try to keep a very upbeat, chipper and cheerful attitude about my outlook on life because I have the one thing that so many people in this world are desperately looking for-joy that comes from the Lord. Lately though, Satan is doing everything in his earthly power to try and steal that joy. My Bug, has had a horrible reaction to seizure medication that has caused her to continuously break out in the most horrendous rash. It goes away with several medications and then when the medications leave her system it returns.

Yesterday morning when I went to her room to get her out of bed she was standing in her bed waiting for me...I had let both the girls play for about 5-10 minutes in their beds, as they were talking and I enjoy listening to them when they are sweet like that on the monitors. (Bug doesn't talk nearly as much with you as she does by herself. :) ) When I went in there my heart sank. Her left eye was swollen shut from the rash...she was once again covered head to toe. I literally picked her up, immediately gave her meds, and rubbed her down with aloe (you can give me advice on something else...but this is what has soothed her the most...other stuff hasn't).

I sat in her floor and just started crying, she leaned back and looked at me and started grinning like I was silly, which in turn made me start laughing...like "Yes, Bug, your mom has lost it...she just can't take one more thing for you."

I prayed about it and we went on about our day. She has no bumps this morning...yet. Even if she does end up with bumps today we will deal with it head on-because the one thing I do know is that she is a little fighter. She has fought more battles in three years than any child should ever have to fight. Her story is one of victory...because every morning that she wakes up and smiles she has overcome more than most of us overcome in a lifetime. My voiceless three year old with seizures, developmental delay, and a painful rash all over her body is able to smile at me through all of it.

These last two weeks have been more than difficult-they have been overwhelming...I get frustrated when she's crying all day...because I am human. I become emotionally drained at the thought of waking up one more night...because I am human. I question God because I don't understand His ways...because I am human....but then I remember that He is the One who gave her to me. He gave Kate to me, and I couldn't imagine loving a little girl anymore. If she can smile through it all, so can I. I can say this...Satan didn't steal my joy today. He won't tomorrow, or the next. Not ever. I'm not perfect...nor do I claim to be...and I do get stressed alot, but God is writing our story and I believe it is going to have a magnificent ending...because the books I've read with the sorrow in the middle-always have the most magnificent ending!

(Side note: We do leave for Le Bonheur Children's in Memphis soon...please keep Bug in your prayers...it will be a rough week for her with lots of testing.)

Much love,
~K