He WILL see me through this...

"I was patient while I waited for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry for help. I was sliding down into the pit of death, and He pulled me out. He brought me up out of the mud and dirt. He set my feet on a rock. He gave me a firm place to stand on. He gave me a new song to sing. It is a hymn of praise to our God. Many people will see what He has done and will worship him. They will put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3

I am in a dark, lonely place today...I'm struggling a bit to hang on...but He loves me anyway. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Angry even. There are moments I just don't want to continue on to see the end of the story--I want a new chapter, to skip ahead in the story. It doesn't make sense to me. None of it does. His ways are truly higher than mine and I clearly do not understand them.

Why does it all have to be so incredibly hard? Why? I know that He sees my pain and anguish over my child...why doesn't He rescue her? Rescue me? It's like I'm drowning and each time I come up for air...I get just enough air to keep going and a little bit more water...causing me to feel like I am continually drowning.

I pray for healing for my child, for my Bug. I pray for wisdom in decision making. I pray for strength to continue. I pray for guidance in parenting both of my girls...especially Doo. She endures more than any sibling I know. I pray for endurance to daily be the mother to a child with special needs. I pray for my spirit to change and be more joyful.

I wish I could say that I am being patient. I'm not. I'm working on it. I truly am. I am trusting in faith that He does hear me and will answer me...even though I am growing weary in the wait. I am in the pit and I know He will rescue me. He will give me a new song in my heart. I believe it...I do. I am just struggling today to have faith that it will happen. In His time.

I'm tired. I'm exhaustd and ready for His answer to come. I'm choosing today to ensure that my attitude and heart are consistently mirroring the image of Christ. I've failed at that multiple times today...thankful for grace. Praying continually today for peace, rest and to be saved from this frame of mind.

I need Christ to sweep in today and rescue me. I need Him to daily rescue me. Give me a glimmer of hope that the day of healing is coming for my child. Remind me that I am loved far greater than my mind can fathom.

Today I believe that brighter days are ahead and that His plan is perfect and HE will SEE me through this.

K