Hope for our Bug

Hope for our Bug

There isn't anything more terrifying than seeing your child have more than 60 seizures and riding in an ambulance to your children's hospital...or to feel completely and utterly helpless to do anything to relieve the pain from her.  It becomes worse when your other precious miracle, my Doo, sees you leave in the ambulance with her big sister and repeats over and over to her Baday, "Bug's going to be okay? Bug's going to be okay?" and having nightmares and waking up crying and all she knows to tell is that she is sad.  It's at times more than I want to carry.  So I have to give it to God.  I have to turn it all over to Him.  I keep playing these lyrics to my favorite song in my head over and over. "Come to me, I'm all you need. Come to me, I'm your everything.  I am your anchor in the wind and waves.  I am your steadfast, so don't be afraid."  I'm coming to you, Lord.  I am.

Today, I began thinking about all of the incredible prayers going up on behalf of my Bug.  How incredibly thankful I am to have beautiful people in my life lifting my child up before the Lord, in unison with us.  I've been asked numerous times how I do trust Him and have hope...how it is I handle the hard stuff.  The truth is, I'm learning. I do claim 1 Peter 3:15 often, But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect. My hope is in Him.  Many times we are at a loss as to why a loving God would allow the hard stuff to happen.  The truth that I'm learning...His heart breaks over what breaks ours.

This world is not the way God planned or intended.  This world holds pain and anguish far greater than He ever intended for us to hold ourselves.  But alas, we live in a fallen world.  God doesn't cause the hard things, but they do happen.  Yes, He can choose to heal and yes, He may choose not to.  That doesn't change the fact that He is still God.  Our minds truly can't hold what His plans entail.  Yes, as parents we want and long to have our child healed and to never see another seizure wreak havoc on her little body again. There are many times in my own personal journey with Christ that I lashed out in anger...only to later realize how desperately wrong and horrifying the situation would have been had Christ allowed what I wanted to happen.  He works on an eternal clock.  He has eternal plans.  We live in our own little world and in our own little box.  He has plans that affect an eternal purpose...big plans.  Our emotions are relevant.  Our feelings are important.  Our agony is recognized.  Yet, His plan still prevails and He still loves us.

You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. James 4:14

But the LORD is the true God; He is the living God, the eternal King. Jeremiah 10:10

God has a perfect plan for our baby.  As a follower of Christ, I don't want anything that isn't His perfect plan.  I pray, I cry out and ask God to heal my child if it doesn't affect His eternal plan.  What I've learned as I've walked this very hard road is that I must recognize that my eternal God is working out eternal plans behind the scenes that I don't see.   I don't have to like what's going on around me...I have to learn to trust in Him, lean into Him, rely fully on His strength to get me through each moment of each hard day.  He loves my child and He loves me more than I can honestly begin to understand.  If I know that and I TRULY believe it...there is peace to be found.

I am so blessed with two beautiful little girls.  I know God is going to use their lives for His glory.  In this certain time of our lives we are placing it all before Him. We are trusting God, no matter what. Our hope is in Him alone.

Blessings,

K

May all who fear you find in me a cause for joy, for I have put my hope in your word.Psalm 119:74