Bug...our reason to be brave.

Brown eyes.  Curly brown hair.  Thick, expressive eyebrows. One perfect set of lips that pucker in the cutest way, and find pure delight in a Reeses.  Little ears that listen intently to the sound of vibration and whistling.  A sweet tongue that clicks in anticipation of those she loves.  Little hands that fit into mine so easily. Tiny little feet that fight hard to walk and take her where she wants to go. A laugh that reaches a place deep inside of you, a place you can't put into words.  An tight embrace that you believe surely must be God's own special gift to you at each moment she squeezes you.  A beautiful little miracle, of which I am so undeserving.

Her little body is perfection to us...even though it fails her daily.  Her mornings are spent in continuous seizures.  Her mornings are spent sleeping from exhaustion.  When awake she's often moaning...to express that which she can't put into words.  I believe that the Holy Spirit is praying for her.  I believe that He intercedes for her in ways that we just can't. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Romans 8:26

Yes, we would give anything for her to speak her little heart to us.  Yes, we would love to see the skills she worked so hard to gain....and has now lost....to be returned to her.  Yes, we would love to never place another medication in her body.  Yes, we desire healing.  Yes, we are overcome with sadness for her.  Yes, we know that God has a plan.  Yes, we believe in the power of prayer.  Yes, we are scared.  Yes, we are overwhelmed.  Yes, we are trusting Him to reveal His plan in His timing.  Yes, we trust Him.  But how we believe Malachi 4:2 for our daughter.  "But here is what will happen for you who have respect for me. The sun that brings life will rise. Its rays will bring healing to my people. You will go out and leap like calves that have just been let out of the barn."  There will be healing.  I believe that with my whole heart.

She is our reason to be brave.  There are so many moments you just want to give in.  You want to run away.  You want the storm to stop and to pour somewhere else....it is then that I just look at her and when she literally reaches out that little hand and says, "mama"... she IS our reason to be brave.

Blessings,

K