Equipped

I'm not special. I am a total, blooming mess. I am not capable on my own. I am momma to a special needs child.  She is uniquely made with many challenges and a life that is harder than any little ones should be. Many times people make the statement that, "special needs children are born to special people." It has always been said to me as a compliment...but it's so terribly untrue.  Children are born and adopted every single day to ordinary run of the mill people.  Some fight for their children, some decide it is more than they can handle, some make very bad decisions for their little ones and some take the diagnosis and RUN with reckless abandon to what God has set before them....some days I run and some days in all honesty, I limp. The belief that it is those that are thoroughly fitted with the ideal personality and nature that can sufficiently parent a child with special needs...is the most frustrating thing I hear.

I am NOT equipped on my own. I must choose to persevere in my faith to fulfill a divine calling on my life to be the person who fights for my child, who seeks out every available therapy and drug treatment, who endures day after day of seizure after seizure. God tells Moses in Exodus 3:12, Certainly I will be with you.  He tells us the same thing.  God's holy presence is the only thing that can equip me to parent both of my children and especially my Bug. I have to not only accept the role God has given me, but with confidence, choose to see the joy in the hard, because He is with me.

Countless times in the Scriptures, the Word tells us that God is with us. A few of my favorite go-to verses are:

•  Joshua 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.  

• 1 Corinthians 3:16 Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?

• Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Those key three things are what I cling to.  He dwells within me wherever I go and He will help me. Day after day when I am feeling overwhelmed and bogged down by the thoughts of the future or the intense emotion of my day...I am reminded through His promise that He knows my child and He made her just the way that she is. He knows her every breath.  He sees my heartache at this exact moment and while others can sympathize with me and pray with me...He can carry it. He can take it over. He can equip me through the Word to fulfill the calling on my life (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Psalms 139:16,  For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.  In these verses, I see my child.  I see that God not only knew her and had her creation and existence in plan since the beginning of time...he knew that she would have the challenges she faces and He USES those challenges for His mighty purpose...and through her life...He chose to use me. Me...not special, nothing to write home about, a ball of emotion and crazy, a woman who makes more mistakes in 10 minutes than some do in a whole day...He chose me and I chose to run with reckless abandon to fight for my child.  I am equipped by Christ and Christ alone to do the hard and sad and ugly...even if through tears and outright frustration some days...He gets me through all the moments. He's equipping me hour by hour.


The awesome thing is--He can equip us all.  I have to make a daily choice to follow the Lord and allow Him to use me.  He can use anyone. Any part of our stories or journey can and will be used to GLORIFY Him if you will be ready to allow Him to be the one that equips you.