Bug is 13!

Dear Bug,

Yesterday you turned 13 years old. I won't even begin to try to express just how fast those 13 years FLEW by. I know many mommas out there would be in full agreement that the saying "the days are long but the years are short" is without a doubt a fact.

The past few months have been beyond challenging amidst a pandemic and basically sheltering at home trying to keep you and your sisters healthy. Our normal hard has been exponentially harder throughout all of this. Yet you have flourished in many ways during this season. You are walking 15-20 steps independently, picking up chips all on your own, holding a sippy cup again, saying "mama" and climbing EVERYTHING.

You are beautiful beyond words, your smile lights up whatever space you find yourself in. I love your giggle--its the purest and most delightful music to my ears. I am so grateful to God for your life and your testimony. All the hard you endure--it will always break my heart--yet at the same time it shaped who I am today. You and Jesus helped to shape me into the person I am today.

Last night I was grieving the could have beens--what you would be like if you didn't face the vast disabilities and daily seizures. I longed to be throwing you a HUGE 13th bash with friends and music and you rolling your eyes at me as I danced in front of your friends. You wanted nothing to do with opening your presents or cutting into your homemade cake--you were beyond fussy and irritable--and all you wanted was me.

We laid in momma and daddy's bed and cuddled and you just kept whispering "mama". The day ended with you and I looked into each others eyes and you calmed down. It was a sweet moment. A good reminder that even when things don't look like I'd plan them--God is still in the details and gave me a precious memory for your 13th birthday nonetheless.

You won't read these words, but I must say them anyways. You are perfect just as you are. You are marvelous. You are a miracle. You are more than I ever could have deserved. Thank you for being the one who made me a mother.

I love you in a way that there aren't words created to express.

Momma